The most cited reason for divorce is that your spouse cheated on you. He (or She) went and dated/kissed/slept with a person other than yourself.
I can understand that these activities are normally reserved for the person one commits to when they say "I Do". Whenever those vows are said I don't hear "And to have sex with only this person."
Why do we "believe" that sex should only be done with one person? Why should the act of sex be exclusive between two people? The reasons for having sex is biological: either you're trying to have a baby or you're trying to relieve the urges of trying to have a baby. I can't say anything for the women but men have those urges, just in a different way (BONERS!).
But back to my point. Divorce on the grounds of extramarital relations does not hold water. This way of thinking assumes that a couple got married just for the sex. And I don't believe that is the reason to spend ten thousand dollars on a ceremony, reception, and a cake of the wrong flavor.
A good reason to get divorced is that there is no love in the relationship. They can care for one another but that connection between the two that happened at the ceremony is no longer there however much time has passed. This comes down to the True Love theory that everyone would like to believe in. We profess in Love. We argue for Love. We say that we want Love.
What we do not do is Love. We. Do. Not. Love.
Love is a choice. No one can coerce you to love another person. You can say you do, but until you choose to Love, there will be no Love from you. There is no such thing as Love at First Sight. There is the choice to Love. You must give it freely or you're just lying to everyone, including yourself.
There are two implications with this way of Love. (1)Love is your responsibility, thus you must take care with Love. (2) Love is not a stimulus.
With (1) everyone who says they are in Love are not taking the weight and gravity of giving of one's self to another. There are no easy ways to Love, there is only one way: to give of yourself to another. No amount of flowers or chocolate or gifts are going to get you Love. They may get you attention but they do not get you Love.
With (2) we now get into the main problem with society's view of Love. Sex is a stimulus. It is a biological tool of nature and we must recognize it as such. Love is a choice, a product of humankind's social consciousness. Sex and Love are not the same. The two cannot be equated.
Sex and Love are highly personal, BUT THEY ARE NOT THE SAME. People all over the world have Sex and not love the other person. A marriage full of Love can have little to no sex from month to month (or week to week, depending on stamina). So to cite infidelity for grounds of divorce should be the incorrect argument. A more accurate argument should be a failure in trust. It seems a typical "cheating" spouse will hide the affair from their wife/husband. The sexual act should not be alarming; what should be alarming is how long the offended spouse was made unaware. This is a better reason for divorce because the "cheating" spouse could not trust his/her partner to act rationally to the infidelity. Without trust there is no relationship and no longer a marriage.
However, the "victim" spouse can choose to stay with her/his partner IF both recognize that there is still Love in the relationship. They must work on their trust issues, figure out where the trouble spots are, and see if they still Love each other after all that has happened.
We are so used to using divorce as the escape clause in a relationship that we don't work to recognize just how much Love there is.
--HardWearJunkie
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